Almost Empty

Three years ago during a tough time, I bought a pack of cigarettes. They were cheap menthols that seasoned smokers scoff at and newbies choke on, but when the consciousness of my mind was bleak and the air around me was heavy, each one gave me about five minutes of smokey, self-detrimental solace. Truly, they were a guilty pleasure proscribed to only the darkest, gloomiest days in my life. Today, I have two leftover.

Clearly, the fact that I still have some leftovers despite such a long ownership indicates that I am a VERY occasional smoker. If anyone reads this and is worried in the slightest bit, please realize this is a pack/3+ years "habit" and I highly doubt it will ever result in anything remotely resembling those terrifying smoking PSA's.

Anyway, this pack, though seldomly excavated from the CVS bag it came from, has seen a lot of things in my life. Three years ago when I first purchased them, I smoked a couple after I was rejected by a girl I liked. Last year, I had one or two after a demoralizing conversation with my mom. I smoked on several different occasions when certain friends did not hold their promises as well as I had hoped and, most recently, I had two when I came to the realization that I was chasing after the wrong girl (see last post [LAUGH OUT LOUD]). The rest I infrequently used whenever I faced torturous bouts of loneliness.

I'm not going to say cigarettes are great or that they're even good. When I have to taste of my extremely stale cigarettes I usually wince and cough for a bit before I take a second drag. I will say, however, that they dull down the pain a little and, in my experience, help you swallow the bitter, nasty truth of your situation one breath at a time. I don't like getting stuck in my depression. An occasional disgusting cigarette helps me cope a little with the uncomfortable steps I have to take to climb out of my sadness. I'll do my best to keep my last two for as long as possible. FOUR MORE YEARS! FOUR MORE YEARS!

Have a nice day,
-Matthew