A few weeks ago, I had a discussion with my friend. He was dictating to me an argument he had with his mom and how he couldn't win even though all of his actions and explanations were logically understandable. A week later, I had a eerily similar conversation with another friend who had a small feud with his girlfriend. He essentially said the same thing; that his girlfriend didn't really give him a chance to defend himself (as if she wanted to vilify him). In addition, both of my friends decided to make the blanket statement, "Girls can't be wrong. And if they are, you're more wrong."
After hearing this statement a second time, I brushed it off as a harsh generalization that would only capture the truth in small group of people. Then I thought about it. I thought about all the arguments with women I've known throughout the years (more specifically the arguments I felt I was in the right and deserved an apology for). In my analysis, I realized that out of these situations, I could probably count with one hand how many direct, noticeably sincere apologies I've received (one of which was after a woman backed up her car into my while I was biking). Even of the most benevolent, meek girls I've met, I generally receive apologies that essentially say "I'm sorry you feel that way," as opposed to being sorry for what they have done.
[Too be fair, there were MANY MORE situations where I had to apologize.]
My thoughts escalated to a boiling point when my mom called me today nagging and yelling at me to do something or other. After legitimizing my actions, I told her not to judge me until she understand the entire situation. She floundered with her words without apologizing and directed more argumentative statements at other aspects of my life. At this point, I was pretty annoyed and nearly convinced that what my friends had told me was, for the most part, true.
But as things died down, she started to rant about her new job. How her boss expected difficult tasks and that the machines she uses at the new workplace were unfamiliar and hard to get used to. She ended her monologue by saying in an exasperated voice, "It's... it's just so hard."
And I guess that's when I understood why she was so naggy with me. She was directing all the negative energy she had towards her new job, an unfamiliar situation, onto me, a close relative. All of her scolding was simply grumpiness and workplace angst, which I experience all the time, (which I will admit, leads to me discharging my negativity to close friends and classmates). I don't think I have a lot in common with my mother; our hobbies, lifestyles and morals are quite different. At this moment, however, I felt very close with her.
And so as I simmered down, I thought about my developing prejudice towards girls again. I decided that EVEN IF most girls are obstinate arguers, it could be because they are close to you and need an outlet for things they cannot control. I won't take unjustified arguing lying down, but I guess I'll accept any that appears to be bottled-up stress as signs of intimacy and familiarity.
Have a nice day
-Matthew
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