2010 was a good year. I could probably give lengthy anecdotes or explanations behind all items in this list, but I figured the point of summarizing my year is brevity.
Movies I enjoyed the most in 2010
-Inception
-Back to the Future
-Hear Me
-Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
-Mystery Team
Music I enjoyed a lot in 2010
-"Nothin' on You" by B.O.B.
-"Lisztomania" by Phoenix
-"Holdin You Down" by Jazmine Sullivan
-106.1 for it's exceptionally ghetto music.
-"Bounce Baby" by Danny Sanchez
-"Tall Drink of Water" by John Ellis
-"Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry
-"Space Cowboy" by Jamiroquai
Things that happened that I will never forget
-Meeting THE MOST RIDICULOUS person ever.
-Having a great rival
-Almost having a mental breakdown
-Getting depressed after a really bad performance
-Birthday parties down town and in PB
-Vegas
-Playing with Steve Smith
-Three confrontations.
Other notable things
-Discovering Popeyes and enjoying its positive effects on roommate relations.
-Getting new headphones (for the first time in four years)
-Going to the gym and enjoying snacks afterward.
-Discovering Pokemon Lab
-Buying something more than just a few hundred bucks for the first time in four years.
-Getting a job
-Muir Musical
Lessons Learned/Revelations
-If everyone was a LITTLE BIT more/less _______, the world would be a better place.
-INTEGRITY is the key to life.
-I'm just NOT SURE about the future right now.
-Music industry is NOT GOOD RIGHT NOW
-FARTS (Forced ARTificial Scarcity) will rule the world in the future.
-It's important to be OBJECTIVE, NOT EMOTIONAL, when experiencing neglect/rejection.
-DON'T FIX what's not broken.
-True friends stick around.
Resolutions
-Transcribe at least a little
-Find a church
-Study math for once
-Graduate
-Figure some of it out
-Be a better person
Have a nice year,
-Matthew
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
The Day After Today
So yesterday, I managed to piss off two close acquaintances and play a terrible concert. Life felt sort of bleak when I got home, so I decided to transfer my roommate's keyboard (which is stored in the garage) to my room to hopefully cheer myself up. The toy like sounds that came from my four year old earphones sounded miserable... but maybe that was just my playing. Gosh I think the highlight of my day may have been an argument I had over movie aesthetics in the afternoon... or maybe the roast beef subway haha.
Anyway, I didn't really like yesterday, but today I had a ton of fun to make up for it!
I got new headphones in the mail from Amazon (two day shipping is pretty awesome) which made my mp3 player pretty good (and later the keyboard!). I guess I did a well at work because one of my fussier tutees actually admitted she learned a lot today. I had an EXQUISITE dinner (courtesy of Popeye's) with some buddies and brought some chicken home for my roommate.
Man... I think I know how my Dad must have felt when he bought me Pokemon Yellow back in the day... Because my roommate literally screamed when he saw the "present" I had for him. It was like Christmas at the end of November. Our house glittered with festive spirit as we watched Celebrity Jeopardy videos.
For all the nonsense that happened yesterday, just a few good events with the right company can really pacify the anxiety. And thinking about it, the weekend before yesterday was pretty damn pleasant and so was Thanksgiving break. I guess it's pretty easy to get really sore from one day of the month when the rest of your calender has had good fortune. I should just stick to counting my blessings.
Merry Christmas Eve^25
-Matthew
Anyway, I didn't really like yesterday, but today I had a ton of fun to make up for it!
I got new headphones in the mail from Amazon (two day shipping is pretty awesome) which made my mp3 player pretty good (and later the keyboard!). I guess I did a well at work because one of my fussier tutees actually admitted she learned a lot today. I had an EXQUISITE dinner (courtesy of Popeye's) with some buddies and brought some chicken home for my roommate.
Man... I think I know how my Dad must have felt when he bought me Pokemon Yellow back in the day... Because my roommate literally screamed when he saw the "present" I had for him. It was like Christmas at the end of November. Our house glittered with festive spirit as we watched Celebrity Jeopardy videos.
For all the nonsense that happened yesterday, just a few good events with the right company can really pacify the anxiety. And thinking about it, the weekend before yesterday was pretty damn pleasant and so was Thanksgiving break. I guess it's pretty easy to get really sore from one day of the month when the rest of your calender has had good fortune. I should just stick to counting my blessings.
Merry Christmas Eve^25
-Matthew
Monday, May 17, 2010
1 - 2
Today I was thinking about my attitude when I was growing up and how certain bad attitudes have dwelled within me since childhood. It all began with a quick ping pong game...
I was rallying with a buddy as a celebratory activity after (what seems to be) a good midterm when he suddenly exclaimed, "Hey man! Let's play a game!" I replied that I didn't really like playing games because I hated competition and preferred to enjoy hobbies as benign amusements; not as skills. After a lot of insistence, I reluctantly consented.
So as we rallied for the first serve, I thought about why I hated competition so much. I somehow thought about how I also hated verbal arguments because I always assumed someone would insist a wrongful point of view with conviction. And so I made the connection that the reason I didn't like competing was because I didn't like the idea that people lost.
Speaking of which, I lost the service rally. He made his opening serve and I resumed my pensiveness.
I considered what I do during arguments. If I'm not too riled up, I would think about what point I'm trying to make in the argument, then think about my opponent's responses, and then maybe see if there are any miscommunications, mistakes or connections between our respective opinions. A lot of the time, the argument would end with a resolution that generally made each party more informed. Either way, there would be no definitive loser.
So I asked myself, is losing in a competitive manner so absolute? Can a game of ping pong, or any competition, have an outcome that is beyond winning and losing?
I won the first set, which made me implode with satisfaction. I sat down to rest and watch some of my other friends play their own game. As my victory high simmered down, I thought about how pleased I was with my win, and then about how much I hated the thought of losing. After running through several memories where I won and I lost at some sort of game, I decided that I clearly hated losing more than I liked winning.
This is interesting, because when I was younger, I hated losing to the point that I would avoid participating in any form of competition. I would hate playing tennis when my opponent took the offensive and my morale would wither if my brother got an extra "hadouken" on me in Street Fighter. I realized that I never got good at anything because I was so averse to any possibility of failure.
It was my turn again. I had to rematch my rival of one game with hopes that I would be the decisive victor in our little contest. I quickly took a significant lead and maintained it until match point. He needed to score five points in a row just to enter a deuce, and then he had to win by two. I didn't intend to give him the opportunity.
But intentions don't necessarily mean results. He slowly took each point after a prolonged, conservative rally of attrition. Time slackened even more as I dwelled on every miss I made, every net I hit. My stamina diminished every turn as we grew closer to the dreaded tiebreaker, which occurred seemingly inevitably after I made my fifth consecutive error.
I started to think again during the deuce, which is probably the worst thing to do when you're trapped in a crucial moment. Why was I so nervously fragile while I held a lead? How did I allow the chasm between us to dwindle into nothing? I continued to question myself during our short tiebreaker, which he won after a smash.
I lost.
But I recalled all the thoughts I had during the game. I decided that losing this game was exactly what I needed. I'm probably too old to be good at nothing, and I need to shake under some pressure before I can get better at what I do. It'll probably help me with those sensitive "clutch" moments, too.
So I guess I learned a lot from losing, which makes it somewhat bearable and less absolute. Oh and I probably got nominally better at ping pong, too. In any case, mark my words:
I will have the final smash.
(in ping pong and in Smash [Melee])
Have a nice day,
-Matthew
I was rallying with a buddy as a celebratory activity after (what seems to be) a good midterm when he suddenly exclaimed, "Hey man! Let's play a game!" I replied that I didn't really like playing games because I hated competition and preferred to enjoy hobbies as benign amusements; not as skills. After a lot of insistence, I reluctantly consented.
So as we rallied for the first serve, I thought about why I hated competition so much. I somehow thought about how I also hated verbal arguments because I always assumed someone would insist a wrongful point of view with conviction. And so I made the connection that the reason I didn't like competing was because I didn't like the idea that people lost.
Speaking of which, I lost the service rally. He made his opening serve and I resumed my pensiveness.
I considered what I do during arguments. If I'm not too riled up, I would think about what point I'm trying to make in the argument, then think about my opponent's responses, and then maybe see if there are any miscommunications, mistakes or connections between our respective opinions. A lot of the time, the argument would end with a resolution that generally made each party more informed. Either way, there would be no definitive loser.
So I asked myself, is losing in a competitive manner so absolute? Can a game of ping pong, or any competition, have an outcome that is beyond winning and losing?
I won the first set, which made me implode with satisfaction. I sat down to rest and watch some of my other friends play their own game. As my victory high simmered down, I thought about how pleased I was with my win, and then about how much I hated the thought of losing. After running through several memories where I won and I lost at some sort of game, I decided that I clearly hated losing more than I liked winning.
This is interesting, because when I was younger, I hated losing to the point that I would avoid participating in any form of competition. I would hate playing tennis when my opponent took the offensive and my morale would wither if my brother got an extra "hadouken" on me in Street Fighter. I realized that I never got good at anything because I was so averse to any possibility of failure.
It was my turn again. I had to rematch my rival of one game with hopes that I would be the decisive victor in our little contest. I quickly took a significant lead and maintained it until match point. He needed to score five points in a row just to enter a deuce, and then he had to win by two. I didn't intend to give him the opportunity.
But intentions don't necessarily mean results. He slowly took each point after a prolonged, conservative rally of attrition. Time slackened even more as I dwelled on every miss I made, every net I hit. My stamina diminished every turn as we grew closer to the dreaded tiebreaker, which occurred seemingly inevitably after I made my fifth consecutive error.
I started to think again during the deuce, which is probably the worst thing to do when you're trapped in a crucial moment. Why was I so nervously fragile while I held a lead? How did I allow the chasm between us to dwindle into nothing? I continued to question myself during our short tiebreaker, which he won after a smash.
I lost.
But I recalled all the thoughts I had during the game. I decided that losing this game was exactly what I needed. I'm probably too old to be good at nothing, and I need to shake under some pressure before I can get better at what I do. It'll probably help me with those sensitive "clutch" moments, too.
So I guess I learned a lot from losing, which makes it somewhat bearable and less absolute. Oh and I probably got nominally better at ping pong, too. In any case, mark my words:
I will have the final smash.
(in ping pong and in Smash [Melee])
Have a nice day,
-Matthew
Friday, April 23, 2010
Stuff I discussed with one of my friends
A few weeks ago, I had a discussion with my friend. He was dictating to me an argument he had with his mom and how he couldn't win even though all of his actions and explanations were logically understandable. A week later, I had a eerily similar conversation with another friend who had a small feud with his girlfriend. He essentially said the same thing; that his girlfriend didn't really give him a chance to defend himself (as if she wanted to vilify him). In addition, both of my friends decided to make the blanket statement, "Girls can't be wrong. And if they are, you're more wrong."
After hearing this statement a second time, I brushed it off as a harsh generalization that would only capture the truth in small group of people. Then I thought about it. I thought about all the arguments with women I've known throughout the years (more specifically the arguments I felt I was in the right and deserved an apology for). In my analysis, I realized that out of these situations, I could probably count with one hand how many direct, noticeably sincere apologies I've received (one of which was after a woman backed up her car into my while I was biking). Even of the most benevolent, meek girls I've met, I generally receive apologies that essentially say "I'm sorry you feel that way," as opposed to being sorry for what they have done.
[Too be fair, there were MANY MORE situations where I had to apologize.]
My thoughts escalated to a boiling point when my mom called me today nagging and yelling at me to do something or other. After legitimizing my actions, I told her not to judge me until she understand the entire situation. She floundered with her words without apologizing and directed more argumentative statements at other aspects of my life. At this point, I was pretty annoyed and nearly convinced that what my friends had told me was, for the most part, true.
But as things died down, she started to rant about her new job. How her boss expected difficult tasks and that the machines she uses at the new workplace were unfamiliar and hard to get used to. She ended her monologue by saying in an exasperated voice, "It's... it's just so hard."
And I guess that's when I understood why she was so naggy with me. She was directing all the negative energy she had towards her new job, an unfamiliar situation, onto me, a close relative. All of her scolding was simply grumpiness and workplace angst, which I experience all the time, (which I will admit, leads to me discharging my negativity to close friends and classmates). I don't think I have a lot in common with my mother; our hobbies, lifestyles and morals are quite different. At this moment, however, I felt very close with her.
And so as I simmered down, I thought about my developing prejudice towards girls again. I decided that EVEN IF most girls are obstinate arguers, it could be because they are close to you and need an outlet for things they cannot control. I won't take unjustified arguing lying down, but I guess I'll accept any that appears to be bottled-up stress as signs of intimacy and familiarity.
Have a nice day
-Matthew
After hearing this statement a second time, I brushed it off as a harsh generalization that would only capture the truth in small group of people. Then I thought about it. I thought about all the arguments with women I've known throughout the years (more specifically the arguments I felt I was in the right and deserved an apology for). In my analysis, I realized that out of these situations, I could probably count with one hand how many direct, noticeably sincere apologies I've received (one of which was after a woman backed up her car into my while I was biking). Even of the most benevolent, meek girls I've met, I generally receive apologies that essentially say "I'm sorry you feel that way," as opposed to being sorry for what they have done.
[Too be fair, there were MANY MORE situations where I had to apologize.]
My thoughts escalated to a boiling point when my mom called me today nagging and yelling at me to do something or other. After legitimizing my actions, I told her not to judge me until she understand the entire situation. She floundered with her words without apologizing and directed more argumentative statements at other aspects of my life. At this point, I was pretty annoyed and nearly convinced that what my friends had told me was, for the most part, true.
But as things died down, she started to rant about her new job. How her boss expected difficult tasks and that the machines she uses at the new workplace were unfamiliar and hard to get used to. She ended her monologue by saying in an exasperated voice, "It's... it's just so hard."
And I guess that's when I understood why she was so naggy with me. She was directing all the negative energy she had towards her new job, an unfamiliar situation, onto me, a close relative. All of her scolding was simply grumpiness and workplace angst, which I experience all the time, (which I will admit, leads to me discharging my negativity to close friends and classmates). I don't think I have a lot in common with my mother; our hobbies, lifestyles and morals are quite different. At this moment, however, I felt very close with her.
And so as I simmered down, I thought about my developing prejudice towards girls again. I decided that EVEN IF most girls are obstinate arguers, it could be because they are close to you and need an outlet for things they cannot control. I won't take unjustified arguing lying down, but I guess I'll accept any that appears to be bottled-up stress as signs of intimacy and familiarity.
Have a nice day
-Matthew
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Time Capsule
I did this survey over a year ago. the italics are what I would put now. If there is no italics, then I have made no changes.
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Matthew
2. Matt (I guess)
3. Many people call me Litrus.
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. GoodMisterWombat
2. mlitrus
3. beanman135
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Being taller than 5'- After Alexander Technique, I like my hands and fingers
2. I sort of like my eyes - After Alexander Technique, I like my feet
3. - I guess I still sort of like my eyes
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Being taller than 6' - A weak stomach
2. Hair - The lack of toned muscle.
3. Having a weak body - Sometimes, my nose annoys me
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. American culturally
2. Indonesian parents
3. Chinese by blood
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Caterpillars or creepy crawly things by convention.
2. Being an insurance salesman - Facing rejection due to inadequacy I am blind to see
3. Loneliness - Acting foolish without knowing
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Most of the time, I carry around a wallet,
2. cell phone
3. and keys. - Now I also carry around a pocket planner (in my butt pocket) and chapstick.
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Glasses
2. Boxers
3. - ...Nothing has changed
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. Tokyo Jihen - Robert Glasper
2. Charles Mingus - Bill Evans
3. Phoenix - Hank Jones
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. At the moment, "Kaban no Nakami" by Tokyo Jihen - "Waltz for Debby" by Bill Evans
2. "Every New Day" by Five Iron Frenzy - "Sweet Spot" by Tokyo Jihen
3. "Kid Charlemagne" by Steely Dan - "Beatrice" by Sam Rivers (performed by Robert Glasper)
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Love. haha - I guess this was somewhat of an unfair answer. Other than the obvious, I would want someone who cares,
2. - is clear about her intentions
3. - and possesses emotional range.
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I enjoy cold showers. - Here's a new set: I don't enjoy love stories.
2. I enjoy grocery shopping. - I don't enjoy doing dishes.
3. I enjoy the smell of some cigarette smoke. - I don't enjoy smoking cigarettes.
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Pleasant face. - In addition,
2. Moderately tall. - Not too thin, not too chubby (Qualifier: Not emaciated, not fat)
3. A nice smile. - Generally well kept (she takes showers)
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Playing music - In addition,
2. Smash - Bumming around with friends
3. Reading news sites and blogs. - Exercising while playing Pokemon.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Have a consistent band. - Play piano well in groups
2. Breath deeply in comfort. - Understand bass rhythms and lines. [Remark: I can breathe very comfortably now thanks to Alexander lessons]
3. Get better at/understand jazz. - Figure out my future. Get a job.
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. Something about the movies. - All of these at once.
2. A musician of some sort.
3. Math teacher
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Japan
2. Hawaii
3. Home (is that valid?)
THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Katherine
2. Jean (a name for boys)
3. Marcus is a very cool name (I wouldn't give it my kids though) - Actually, I would consider giving it to one of my kids (if any).
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Be a difference in one way or another.
2. I'd hope to marry
3. Be a better musician.
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I use conditioner (I have cat hair otherwise!) - In addition,
2. I like quiche (HAHA I don't know if this is feminie or not) - I have bad alcohol tolerance
3. I like to shop. - I like singing girl parts. Falsetto is super fun.
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I can eat well. - In addition,
2. I avoid "chick flicks" - I am whimsical and not myself when I'm with pretty girls (this is science)
3. I play smash. - I am a pretty dirty/disorganized person.
THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. Abraham Lincoln - You,
2. Ellen Degeneres - A person you would like to see take this quiz now,
3. Maybe my Dad. - and a person you would not like to see take this quiz now.
I guess I haven't changed too much since last year.
Have a nice day,
-Matthew
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Matthew
2. Matt (I guess)
3. Many people call me Litrus.
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. GoodMisterWombat
2. mlitrus
3. beanman135
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Being taller than 5'- After Alexander Technique, I like my hands and fingers
2. I sort of like my eyes - After Alexander Technique, I like my feet
3. - I guess I still sort of like my eyes
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Being taller than 6' - A weak stomach
2. Hair - The lack of toned muscle.
3. Having a weak body - Sometimes, my nose annoys me
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. American culturally
2. Indonesian parents
3. Chinese by blood
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Caterpillars or creepy crawly things by convention.
2. Being an insurance salesman - Facing rejection due to inadequacy I am blind to see
3. Loneliness - Acting foolish without knowing
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Most of the time, I carry around a wallet,
2. cell phone
3. and keys. - Now I also carry around a pocket planner (in my butt pocket) and chapstick.
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Glasses
2. Boxers
3. - ...Nothing has changed
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. Tokyo Jihen - Robert Glasper
2. Charles Mingus - Bill Evans
3. Phoenix - Hank Jones
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. At the moment, "Kaban no Nakami" by Tokyo Jihen - "Waltz for Debby" by Bill Evans
2. "Every New Day" by Five Iron Frenzy - "Sweet Spot" by Tokyo Jihen
3. "Kid Charlemagne" by Steely Dan - "Beatrice" by Sam Rivers (performed by Robert Glasper)
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Love. haha - I guess this was somewhat of an unfair answer. Other than the obvious, I would want someone who cares,
2. - is clear about her intentions
3. - and possesses emotional range.
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I enjoy cold showers. - Here's a new set: I don't enjoy love stories.
2. I enjoy grocery shopping. - I don't enjoy doing dishes.
3. I enjoy the smell of some cigarette smoke. - I don't enjoy smoking cigarettes.
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Pleasant face. - In addition,
2. Moderately tall. - Not too thin, not too chubby (Qualifier: Not emaciated, not fat)
3. A nice smile. - Generally well kept (she takes showers)
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Playing music - In addition,
2. Smash - Bumming around with friends
3. Reading news sites and blogs. - Exercising while playing Pokemon.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Have a consistent band. - Play piano well in groups
2. Breath deeply in comfort. - Understand bass rhythms and lines. [Remark: I can breathe very comfortably now thanks to Alexander lessons]
3. Get better at/understand jazz. - Figure out my future. Get a job.
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. Something about the movies. - All of these at once.
2. A musician of some sort.
3. Math teacher
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Japan
2. Hawaii
3. Home (is that valid?)
THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Katherine
2. Jean (a name for boys)
3. Marcus is a very cool name (I wouldn't give it my kids though) - Actually, I would consider giving it to one of my kids (if any).
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Be a difference in one way or another.
2. I'd hope to marry
3. Be a better musician.
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I use conditioner (I have cat hair otherwise!) - In addition,
2. I like quiche (HAHA I don't know if this is feminie or not) - I have bad alcohol tolerance
3. I like to shop. - I like singing girl parts. Falsetto is super fun.
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I can eat well. - In addition,
2. I avoid "chick flicks" - I am whimsical and not myself when I'm with pretty girls (this is science)
3. I play smash. - I am a pretty dirty/disorganized person.
THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. Abraham Lincoln - You,
2. Ellen Degeneres - A person you would like to see take this quiz now,
3. Maybe my Dad. - and a person you would not like to see take this quiz now.
I guess I haven't changed too much since last year.
Have a nice day,
-Matthew
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