On the way to work a couple weeks ago, I attempted to bypass the congestion on a certain highway by switching lanes, passing all the people who were waiting patiently for the exit I needed to take. When the exit approached, I slowed down and signaled to merge back in, only to be met with a cacophony of angry honking from a green Prius. It was evident that I was Tuesday morning's villain and I chuckled at my greed while I took the wrong exit and backtracked my way to work.
Having learned my lesson, I stayed in the correct, congested exit lane on my way back from work the very same day. As I slowly neared the exit, a red pickup truck quickly passed me on the left and recklessly merged into my lane without any indication. He had committed the exact sin I received a symphony of car horns for just nine hours prior. While a part of me naturally congratulated the red pickup truck for getting away with it, another part felt cheated that I was stigmatized when I was the culprit and then wronged when I was the victim.
Last week, I visited a friend to celebrate somewhat of a milestone in her academic career. What I didn't know was that she also invited a friend who despises me to an [almost] hilarious extent. Not only did she not say hello or goodbye to me, the only time this girl acknowledged my presence was when she was telling my friend (who is very polite) to not apologize to me for driving two hours North to visit her.
Situations like these are sort of bewildering to me. What are you supposed to do when someone is this visibly disrespectful to you? I wanted to scold her for treating me so coldly. I also wanted to just turn away from her and say "I don't care about assholes who hold on to grudges for five years out of high school." There were so many instances during last week's reunion where I just wanted to react. I wanted to make her aware that she was being rude to me, just like how a green Prius gave me a 120 decibel indication of his anger on Tuesday morning.
The reason why I didn't was because the way I saw it, I didn't feel entitled enough to do it. While I thought that the red pickup truck was inconsiderate, I didn't exactly love the sound of the green Prius's car horn. If I were to react negatively to her rudeness, I would just be that annoying guy behind her honking away at a red truck that would just get away with it. On the flip side, my high school actions may have made me as guilty the red car, where I should at least consider my culpability and not need a green Prius to tell me better. Either way, I didn't want to be the guy who was wronging her or the guy that was telling her she was wrong.
I guess it's this reoccurring dilemma that has defined many of my decisions in the past few weeks. It's why I took the long route to work when a green Prius honked at me, why I didn't bother reacting to a red truck that cut me off and why I smiled and waved goodbye to the cold shoulder of an acquaintance that hates me.
Have a nice day,
-Matthew
